You ARE the consumer!!
In your house or apartment at his very moment, most likely unbeknownst to you, there are prisoners of war being held and tortured by your unwilling hand. You may not hear their screams, for they are of a frequency far too high for human ears, but they are there. These poor souls are attached to your pillows. They have gone through the humiliating experience of having their arms and legs torn off and then having their groins sewn to the pillows which you so comfortably rest upon. You are probably think we are pulling your leg. I assure you, and I say this with the utmost sincerity, the following story is true. If you don't act now, you will probably end up in hell.
Near the southern tip of South America there is a small province (about 3 yards square). It is in this land, the Royal Republic of Tagzania, that all pillow tags originate. In 1960 the people of Tagzania, looking for refuge from their evil king (the most recent in a line of 15 bad rulers from the Polyester-Cotton Mega Dynasty), began to flee the country and head for America (where they heard all pillow tags bathe in champange).
To accomplish this task in the modern world with modern immigration laws, the great Tag leader A056A came up with a master plan. Using his political pull with certain Congressmen in the United States, A056A, had Federal Requirement-RN20159 enacted. This law stated that all pillows and mattresses sold (mattress tags are an ethnic minority in Tagzania) must have one member of the Tagzanian population affixed to them. This was great news for Tags moving to America, however, there was a catch. Anti-Immigration isolationists had a tag along (no pun intended) affixed to the bill. By the time they were done the law also stated that it was a federal crime for anyone other than the consumer to remove the pillow tag. The idea behind this was simple. All Tagzanians would have a sponsor when they entered the country. Unfortunately, the warnings were written in such a way that it scares off the everyday person for they fear that by freeing their Tags they will be sent to jail.
We want to tell you that YOU ARE THE CONSUMER! It is your God given right and civic duty to free these poor refugees from a foreign land. Please free the pillow tags make a nice place for them at your home or send us your tags so that they may play in happy Elysian Fields with Achilles and Hercules. We beg you please send us your pillow tags do it for your country, do it for God, do it so we wont have to break into your house take your tags and drink all your alcohol.