Now that you have become an official Gerbilist (we are all born Gerbilists at heart) you are able to baptize all those you see. To do this just follow the easy to understand diagram and instructions below. (Warning: Results may vary!) Indoctrinations are best done with 3 people present including the indoctrinator and the indoctrinee.
1. Face the lucky person who is to be baptized, slowly move hands in haphazard fashion. 2. Begin to move hands faster (these are the secret signs) wiggle fingers and try to make the person dizzy. 3. Continue contortions with advanced aberrations. 4. Move hand even faster in a seemingly nonsensical way, this may seem silly but these are the sacred signs. 5. At the height of the ceremony smack the person (somewhat lightly) on the head so that they may receive the spirit of the Sacred Gerbil. The ceremony is then completed.
Now you are ready to go out and populate the earth. Discard your microwave and start getting fuzzy. Also give yourself a Fuzzy Love name, like Fuzzy Love Manatee or Fuzzy Love Centipede. Consider yourself one of the lucky few that wont be turned into lime jello for all of us to play in. Now you may:
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